The Travails of the Traveling Toilet Seat

I am not a terribly fussy person (I don't think).  And when it comes bathrooms -- toilets, to put it more precisely --

1.  I want it clean
2.  I want it private
3.  I want it not to move.

When we moved into this house, we put new toilets seat on all the toilets, taking care of my first requirement.  And they held up admirably for about ten years. We've been here eleven.

The privacy was a little harder to handle as a previous owner was a stained glass artist who removed two large glass panels in the master bath when she moved.  There is a gaping hole right in front of the toilet, facing a large tub.  If, while seated on the potty,  you lean forward and look  out that "window" to the right, you are able to converse with whomever is in the shower, as they have a similar large opening from the shower to the tub.  But over the last eleven years, Allan and I have managed to keep our privacy.

Now, I also like a stationary toilet seat.  Sometime in 2010, I noticed one night that the seat was loose.  So I mentioned it to Allan, who said he'd fix it. It just needed a nut.   A few months after that, as I sat down one midnight, I swiveled sharply to the left and nearly fell off.  Now the whole bolt was gone.  More mumbling, more midnight promises. 

It wasn't long after that, that when visiting the establishment, I fell right in.  There was no seat all.  Oh, wait.  Yes, there was -- it was leaning against the wall.  Louder, nastier mumbling and a  quick under-the-covers kick.

Now I had the option of going downstairs in the wee hours, or balancing delicately on a very slippery, slide-y seat to wee.  Well, over the next three months, I achieved an incredible sense of balance...before I finally went out and bought a new seat, compete with very lovely and tight bolts.....  Ahhh, heaven.

Except for that whole privacy thing...

**Now some of you may wonder why Allan didn't fix the bolt or why I just didn't do it myself.  Our bedroom is on the second floor, so we usually just use a spare bathroom on the first floor: Until bed time.  Sometime between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m., I would often feel a need to visit the potty.  Due to anatomy, I am the chief "sitter" in the house. I'd sit, spin, stumble back to bed, and mumble to please fix the damn seat.  Of course, we'd forget by the time the alarm went off.