What I like about me (I really know how to dance)

I woke up this morning in the mood to blog.  I can't decide what to blog about because at least three topics jumped to my mind, but I'm going with this title.  I'm not really that great a dancer, so if the title confuses you, either I'm too old to be blogging or you're too young to read my blog!

I have the ability to see humor in the oddest places.   And it's something I DO like about myself -- I can find joy in the mundane, I laugh at inopportune times.  I'm witty, I'm irreverent, and I am appropriately inappropriate.  Have you read my blog "MEMs"?  Read it.  Because at the very end, when the lights went up, I started laughing.  And laughing.  And I'm still laughing today. 

Laughter helps me cope with some of life's tougher times.  It can turn a tragic moment into a gentler memory, a softer memory.  When my mom was in mid-stage Alzheimer's, she came out of the bedroom  one day and said very seriously, "I think I have a problem."  Of course, my heart about stopped and I said, "What's up, Mom?"  At that moment, she yanked her shirt up to show me that she had her bra on backwards," Does this look right to you?"  I immediately started laughing and said, "Mom, unless you have boobs on your back now, I think we better turn that around."  And we both had a good laugh.  It sure beats crying...

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Somehow, whether through nature or nuture, both Larry and Jess own similar traits.  Here we are getting ready to decorate the Christmas tree.   This was about three weeks after I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was undergoing test after test and everything was topsy-turvy.

You would think that we might be a little subdued, or least a little more traditional in our celebration.  But, not us.  It's not in our nature.  As the kids are trying to straighten the tree and put the lights on, I decide we need to document our holiday and go with an anit-drug theme -- "Say No to Crack."

Here's Jess with her first attempt with the tree.

Then she realizes that I really do have the camera.

Now it's becoming too difficult to work on the tree while holding one belt loop, so Larry steps in...

(ooh, maybe I should offer to wax that for him)

Allan refuses to part of this idiocy and stays on the sofa... he's a real stick in the mud sometimes.

And that's us.  I'm not sure we have any pics of the actual tree once it's decorated.  But I look at theses pics and I laugh.  It's a good memory. It's how we roll.

***

 

(P.S. I also rule with spelling and puncuation.) 

My neighbor, the trash-picker.

I really do have some great neighbors.  One of my favorite neighbors and a dear friend is Tere, who lives just one house away.  Tere is a dynamo - mother of three, craft woman extraordinaire, great cook -- and, by the way, a doctor.  She is/was the first woman radiologist to make partner in a group in San Diego. (I think I have that right.  I'll double check). In fact, when I found the lump in breast, I trotted up the street in my jammies for a diagnosis.  Tere was wonderful:  She amde a couple of call and had me in for all the diagnostic testing the next day.
And I know she'll be pleased to see that I am including in my blog a picture of her...
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 PICKING MY TRASH!

and I'm there too, helping her while Jaime examines her shoe and pretends we're not really picking the trash...and by the way that wet spot on my orange tee?  That's puppy pee.  Trashpickers don't need no stinkin' clean shirts!

Now, I will point out that not only are we picking the RECYCLE bin, which is clearly a notch above the actual trash, we digging for the New York Times.  We're well-read trashpickers.

My purse weighs 4 lbs.

After my last story about the ped in the bottom of my purse, I decided I ought to clean out my current purse and see what the hell is in there. Besides the expected wallet, keys, glasses here's some of what turned up...

1. A pile of mail: some sorted, some opened, some all ready to mail.
2. My paycheck
3. a gaggle of receipts
4. a power bar and an apple 
5. dental floss (full-size)
6. the charm I was supposed to mail my sister 2 weeks ago. (sorry, Diane)
7. three hypodermic needles, two syringes, and pills for the weiner.
8. my nonworking Bluetooth
9. the instruction book to my cell phone. (Aha! maybe now I can figure out the Bluetooth)
10. tabs for file folders
11. 3 sets of keys (besides the ones I have for the car I've driven today)
12. 2 handy wipes (taken from a gas staion)
13. a motel key from Baton Rouge (oops)
14. 48 cents in loose change (oops)
15. and two Hershey kisses (still wrapped)

And, no Peds!

MEMs Part 1: The date, the movie, and the peds. Or why I eat popcorn with a spoon

A MEM is a "most embarrassing moment."  We've all had them.  We'll all continue to have them.  The trick to getting through a MEM is having the ability to laugh at yourself.  This comes in especially handy when you're the only one laughing as it distracts others from whatever idiotic thing you've just done.  As you are living through the horror, just remember: This will make a great story someday... so here goes one of my real cheek burners:

Look to the left -- Remember those?  Those are peds.  They have them in shoe stores.  When you tried on shoes, they were supposed to be more hygenic than bare feet...

Who says the art of communication is dead?

C'mon, does anyone really talk on the phone now?  I've "talked" to both my kids in the last two days and had deep, insightful conversations with them both. Here are our verbatim text-versations.

(You will notice that we may not always capitalize correctly, but we're very fond of correct puncuation and never use "slang")

Conversation #1 with Larry. 

Me: Your Verizon (gift card) is here!
Generalissimo:  Cool!
Me:  I can spend it for you if you want.
Generalissimo:  But how will you know what to buy me?
Me:   IDK. Use imagination. No unders tho.
Generallissimo:  No underwear, but imagine some socks.
Me:  Thinking something in, perhaps, a knee high argyle.


Conversation #2 with Jess.  She texted me this pic and the following conversation ensued -

Jess:   josh standing in front of the AWESOME IGLOO we built last night.
Me:    Cool - saving on rent?
Jess:   definitely.  thinking about putting in hardwood floors. going to get some drapes this weekend.
Me:    No on the hardwood, the moisture could warp them. did you build a bed yet like Larry saw at the Ice Hotel?
Jess    Thinking about making some bunk beds to fit more people.
Me:     Yeah, you need to weigh the rent you can charge vs. the chance of body heat causing structural        damage...
Jess:     we'll have to reinforce the walls or something.
Me:      Xlnt idea.  Will you be vacating your dorm room?  Will I get any refund?
Jess:     I'll sublet it.  i think Russians need to live among other Russians.
Me:      Good call.  Can you diet as well?  So I can economize on your meals as well.
Jess:     I can live on snow cones
Me:      It's cold in Russia; rent them the igloo. 

Who says the art of communication is dead?

My goat named Enema

This is Grand Champion Highland Games First Hurrah.  He is a registered Pygmy goat and one of my favorites.

He was the first baby born in my herd name. 

He is very athletic. 

 Here he is doing the Macarena (it was very popular in 2005).

 

and yoga --

He has many nicknames.

Harry = HarryBarry = HariumBarium = Barium Enema.

Poor Enema 

Jobs I've had.

• Paper "person." Coronado Reminder, weekly paper.  I was 6th or 7th grade.  I made about $3.50 a week.
• Riding lessons.  After we moved to the "country" when I was in 8th grade,  both Diane and I gave lessons to the neighbors' kids.  We made $2 for a 30 minute lesson.  Built up quite a clientele, too.
• Hostess at IHOP.  My first REAL JOB! Minimum wage was $2 an hour, but ten cents an hour was deducted for meals, whether we ate them or not.

Then we moved to Atlanctic City, New Jersey, in 1979.

• Hotel Front Desk Clerk at Caesar's Boarwalk Regency.  Caesar's was the 2nd casino opened in NJ and it was a mob scene all the time.  I hated the front desk.   So I transferred to the credit department even though my mom said not to, that I couldn't afford to buy work clothes and should stay where I could wear a uniform!  $4 an hour.
• File clerk for the municipal court in AC.
• Playboy Bunny -- Playboy opened a casino in AC.  I worked as a cocktail waitress in the Theatre and a couple of the bars.  A good night back then was $100.

Liz's dogs have fleas...

Sam, the wonder puppy, got his first bath today. Liz called to tell me she found a flea on one of her dogs, therefore I needed to treat my dogs for fleas as well. I rarely use flea products because I intend to bathe them first -- imagine this! -- never get around to it.  But this morning when I was hosing the duck poop out of my feeders (this happens when ducks roost willy-nilly), Sam played and played in the water.  He was so wet, I really only had to add shampoo...