No Casseroles, Please....

It seems a little odd (even to me) to be writing of epitaphs on Jessica's birthday.  But I actually was thinking about her turning 20 (shitting!) and somehow that led me into thinking of epitaphs.  Epitaphs are a source of amusement and conversation among us as we struggle to come up with the one that we think will sum up our respective lives.

Mine:

1. "Still vacuuming with no bag attached" (voter favorite)
2. "Dogs liked her."
3. "If there's no God, who's laughing at us?" (okay. not really an epitaph, but still a great quote)

Diane:  "Back in 5 minutes" (after 20-plus years as a sole proprietor, even she needed to pee)

Stewie:  "Stewie's dead. Quick. Good things are going fast. No casseroles, please." (yeah, none of us really get it.  That's more like a funereal notice than something to carve on a headstone, but what the hell!)

Tab: "Bon Vivant"

Matt "Always"

Jess:

1. "Took no prisoners."
2. "Never looked back" (it was a sign of weakness)
3. "Wore pants and took a helmet."

Allan:  "HERO" (of course)

Larry hasn't weighed in this; mostly, I think, because it's a girlie-weekend kind of thing when it comes up, usually right after we exfoliate.  He probably needs to though.  Otherwise, we'll come up with one for him.

Then I started thinking about what epitaphs or one-liners I would choose for some of those who are or have been near-and-dear to me. Some are from songs. Some are from the Bible.  Some I don't know where they came from...

Mom -- "My Ride is Here" a Warren Zevon songs from the last albun, which leads into...
Dad's potential epitaph:  "ENJOYED EVERY SANDWICH!" (more than once, as well as his weight in Tums)
Woolee's -- "I'll be the greatest fan of your life" (and he was)
Grace: "Perfect." ('nuf said)
Maria: "and then she died very old and full of years"
Toby: "What Dog?" (also a runnerup for Dad's headstone)
Annie: "None Better" (and there wasn't)
Thomas  "No mas, Thomas"

And I can't forget Bonnie: "Perfectly Bitchy. Bitchily Perfect."



Aww....

The Story of a Pony

This is the story of a pony:  Silver's Bonnie Lass, a registered Shetland pony, who came to live with us many, many moons ago.   Stewie* bought Bonnie as a yearling and gave her to us when Emily outgrew her.  Bonnie was fourteen, and Jess was four. We've had Bonnie for 16  years.  Add it up.  What a lucky pony to have belonged to only two families, and how lucky we are to have Bonnie.

Bonnie was Jess's first pony.   We had Bonnie shipped down to us from Chico when we still lived in Lakeside.  We gave Bonnie a day or two to settle in, although Jess was dying to ride her.  On about day 4 or 5, I got Bonnie out and lunged her around the front yard before I let Jess get on her.  Bonnie raced and jumped and bucked and farted before she finally settled down.

I knew I was in serious, serious trouble...I knew I was in deep s**t...I knew it was the end of life as I knew it because Jess ran up to Bonnie --  who was starting to sweat -- threw her arms around the pony's neck to hug her, and exclaimed: "Oh, Mom, she smells soooo good!"

*Stewie is one of Diane's best friends, who in turn, has become one of my best friends -- we have played horsie-swap more than once.  Emily is Stewie's daughter, who has grown up to be delightful.  Thomas is Stewie's son, Jess's first-and-always-love, who is delightful, but needs to grow up and remember how much more delightful he used to be....