No Casseroles, Please....

It seems a little odd (even to me) to be writing of epitaphs on Jessica's birthday.  But I actually was thinking about her turning 20 (shitting!) and somehow that led me into thinking of epitaphs.  Epitaphs are a source of amusement and conversation among us as we struggle to come up with the one that we think will sum up our respective lives.

Mine:

1. "Still vacuuming with no bag attached" (voter favorite)
2. "Dogs liked her."
3. "If there's no God, who's laughing at us?" (okay. not really an epitaph, but still a great quote)

Diane:  "Back in 5 minutes" (after 20-plus years as a sole proprietor, even she needed to pee)

Stewie:  "Stewie's dead. Quick. Good things are going fast. No casseroles, please." (yeah, none of us really get it.  That's more like a funereal notice than something to carve on a headstone, but what the hell!)

Tab: "Bon Vivant"

Matt "Always"

Jess:

1. "Took no prisoners."
2. "Never looked back" (it was a sign of weakness)
3. "Wore pants and took a helmet."

Allan:  "HERO" (of course)

Larry hasn't weighed in this; mostly, I think, because it's a girlie-weekend kind of thing when it comes up, usually right after we exfoliate.  He probably needs to though.  Otherwise, we'll come up with one for him.

Then I started thinking about what epitaphs or one-liners I would choose for some of those who are or have been near-and-dear to me. Some are from songs. Some are from the Bible.  Some I don't know where they came from...

Mom -- "My Ride is Here" a Warren Zevon songs from the last albun, which leads into...
Dad's potential epitaph:  "ENJOYED EVERY SANDWICH!" (more than once, as well as his weight in Tums)
Woolee's -- "I'll be the greatest fan of your life" (and he was)
Grace: "Perfect." ('nuf said)
Maria: "and then she died very old and full of years"
Toby: "What Dog?" (also a runnerup for Dad's headstone)
Annie: "None Better" (and there wasn't)
Thomas  "No mas, Thomas"

And I can't forget Bonnie: "Perfectly Bitchy. Bitchily Perfect."



Aww....