Happy Birthday to Me!

I recently got a birthday gift from long-time friends, Mike and Katy B.  Katy was Jessica's first trainer....uhm... 13? years ago?  (Katy and I were both very young at the time, natch).  Well, Katy and Mike are horse friends, not goat friends, and gave me a packet of Birria in my goodie bag.  Birria is (apparently) seasoning for goat stew.  Ha Ha!  So I responded with a thank you note.....

"Hi Guys -- I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for remembering my birthday with such goodies! I will enjoy the olives and giggled at the card... but because we have been friends for so long, I feel I can be honest with you and let you know that I was a bit disappointed in the other part of the gift: the Birria. I know you meant well, but, frankly the gift was a bit of a let down....
I read the Birria package and it says, "This special combination (of spices) will create (an) UNFORGETTABLE goat." You can imagine my excitement!
So according to the directions, I mixed "this blend with cooking oil and generously coat(ed) the (goat) and let it marinade overnight." In fact, I've let it marinate for TWO nights.
And I am sorry to report, at this time, that my goats remain not only forgettable, but rather smelly and annoyed..."

 

and Mike's repsonse

(How did I know it was Mike and not Katy?

 Because there's only one S in "focusing")

 

 

Dear Denise,

We received your news, first with confusion, and then, increasingly baffled and slightly alarmed, we contacted the manufacturers and demanded a full and complete explanation.


The manager in Guadalajara took a liking to me and explained that they had had certain issues with various suppliers which had been compounded by cultural incompatibilities, language barriers, and training exigencies. The spice blenders in Shanghai, understandably focussing on issues of potency (as, alas, they inevitably do), had problems with their usual Kenyan herbal sources, and in their efforts to meet the exact Mexican specifications they may have resorted to making certain substitutions, using more commonly available substances which they learned of on their email spam lists.


These details regarding the exact product formulation were further compounded by the marketing department in Delhi who wrote the directions for use, originally in Hindi, and it seems that THEY were not only strict vegetarians, but had interpreted the phrase "You will LOVE this goat" in, shall we say, a somewhat unusual (and possibly felonious) manner, at least in many of our fine Southern states.


To make a long story short, nobody can guarantee that this last batch of product will make your goats "unforgettable". However there is a small risk of enhanced activities in the goat enclosure, and subsequent demands, by the goats, for more of the product.


We feel badly for this mixup: Please accept our sincere apologies.


PS: We were advised that you should, under NO circumstances, put some of the spice on your husbands clothing and then ask him to feed the goats.
 
(aren't friends grand?)

Mother-Daughter Road Trip!

Saturday night Jess came up to my room and asked if I wanted to watch a movie.  I was already asleep so I said no, but why didn't we go to the Grand Canyon.  And by God, we are!

Six hours we drove in the rain and the dark last night to make it to Kingman, AZ.  And guess what?  Not an argument ensued.  Not a teary eye, not even any silence. We talked.  We yapped.  We debated college life.  I heard all about life at college.  We even sang at the top of our lungs to J's iPod -- old Beatles, Bill Withers, and more.  She didn't even correct when I had the lyrics wrong --- oh, let it be!

On today's must do list:

• deodorant
• body lotion (I refuse to use my good face cream on our feet)
• more discussion on college vs real life: which is more difficult?
• The Grand Canyon!

A Modern Day Mystery

The oddest thing happened today.  I took a book and went out on our deck to enjoy the sun and read.  Much to my surprise, our Domestic, Interior-Dwelling Weiner joined me.   Not only did he join me on the deck, he went down the steps and BEYOND.

And he did not come back.

SO I went to look for him....and I could see ... down the hill ... a tail ...

... so when I investigated further...

...I saw this...

and this.....

...which turned out to be  this...

....then a closer inspection revealed this....

...and, yes, this....

'nuf said.

Who Let the Goats out? Who?! WHO?!

Now each of my goats have -- believe it or not -- pretty distinct voices.  I certainly can't tell them all apart, but:

• Cleo sounds like "Bap-bap-bap"
• Texy says, "Ba-ah-hah-ap."
• Harry is a "Maa" -er
• Kiss sounds like "Buhaaapppp"
• Cheater says in a very small voice  "b-b-baa"
• Cherish, Molly, Glory rarely say anything at all.
• and BIG, being the only buck on the property now, says in his new, very big boy voice : "BAHH-T, BAHH-T"

So yesterday I heard: "BAHH-T!!! BAHH-T!!!  BAHH-T!!!"
and I knew it was Big ---

--- and something was amiss.

Because Big is the only buck on the property, he's in a pen with one doe while the herd runs amok free.

I knew he was yelling because, most likely, the rest of the herd had wandered out of sight.

So I looked out the window and saw this:

an apparent breaching of the back yard. And as soon as I hollered at them, they all dashed around the pool....

where Cleo was trying to camouflage herself in the rock fountain. (often pygmy goats in the wild will camouflage themselves near suburban pools.)

But it was too late.  Her fellow scofflaws gathered around and threw her under the bus.

Once busted, they agreed to remove themselves in an orderly fashion.  Sure there was a little pushing and shoving and they hit a small bottleneck. (No pygmy seems to realize that just because their head will fit through an opening, it doesn't mean their less-than-svelte bodies will.)

and here they come...

a few fell out of the ranks,

but they safely landed. And no one was talking.  No one would admit a thing.

Who, Us?

'Tis the Season

I was in Trader Joe's this evening, and amidst all the hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers, there was a woman wearing a 1950's era coat like this:

Except her coat was green and beneath it, she wore a very red dress.  Accessories included vintage Christmas earrings, some sort of a wreath corsage, and a generous application of vivid red lipstick.

So right there in the cheese aisle of Trader Joe's, I went over to her and said,

"My, you look so pretty today.  You are so festive! You must be going to a party."

Then, her husband -- who was probably a head shorter than her and dressed just as nattily -- came over..

"Oh no," he said. "We've just come from a dance."

"We try to dance two or three times a week," added the wife.

"Well," said the husband, "We are in our 80s." 

It IS a wonderful life!





Overheard in Ithaca

"No, we never split up, never got divorced. It was because neither of us wanted the kids. He didn't want them, I didn't want them, so we had to stay together." 

(made me giggle. mothing more. nothing less)

All I want for Christmas...

Now that we have conquered the first event in the Holiday Season Eating Marathon, it's time to start thinking about MY Christmas list.  I'm afraid there may be some of you who have not decided on an appropriate gift for ME, so I'm really giving MY wish list some serious thought...

Of course, first I have to ask for the impossible:  For Christmas I want all the bad in the world to go away.  No more war, famine, violence, disease, cruelty, prejudice...

Since that may not be practical, how about probably-impossible-but-more-possible-than-the-former?  Let's see: My own little tractor? Being 10 lbs thinner, painlessly? A new wardrobe? A personal chef? A clean car? A clean house? How about a self-cleaning house and car? 

Okay, well some of those items may be a little rough to wrap and put under the tree.  Oh, I know!  For those of you who have been stumped in determiing the perfect gift for me, all I really want is....................

......a car-washing, organic-gardening, laundry-loving, gourmet-cooking, extremely tidy, always cheerful...........

HOUSE ELF!